It is day 4 of the earthquake in Nepal and the more I hear about the aftermath, the more traumatized I become. I cannot even begin to imagine the terror people in Nepal must be feeling.

I still remember the time when I climbed the steps of the Dharara tower with my best friends. Having lived in Kathmandu forever, I told myself it was extremely strange to not have climbed the historic tower, so my friends and I went there a few weeks before I moved to Canada.

The steps were very narrow. I had expected it to be different, sort of a museum inside with paintings and facts about the Kings and Queens of Nepal. But the tower itself was bleak, with narrow winding steps, and bare walls. Only when we reached the top balcony, I saw what the fuss was all about. Kathmandu looked stunning from the top. Nine storeys isn’t too tall, but it was tall enough to make anyone fall in love with our city.

The moment I saw pictures of the collapsed tower and the news of deaths, my mind went crazy. Every time I think about the tower, all I can imagine is what those people inside the narrow space must have felt when it all came crumbling down. I was there two years ago. I could have been a body under the rubble if the earthquake had hit then.

We finally got in touch with our family members yesterday night. I knew they were alive, but only yesterday I listened to the horrifying descriptions of the quake from people I love. My family members are still shaken up. My cousin said, he can’t help jumping in terror every time he hears a vehicle rumble or feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Though alive and well, they still haven’t moved back in the house. Our house, though still standing has witnessed a tornado inside, with broken mirrors, upturned shelves and broken windows. Water and electricity are scarce. My mom’s sister said she had to walk 20 minutes to get a jar of water because they do not have a drop available in their area.

There have been more than a hundred aftershocks following the earthquake. The biggest one of 6.7 magnitude fuelled the damage. Two of my neighbours died of heart attacks in the latter tremor, despite of being in a relatively safe ground. The death tolls are nearly 5000. The PM says it is very likely to reach 10,000 when the rescue teams venture out into the inaccessible areas and villages. It seems the worst is over, but I’m afraid the quake has more in stock with high chances of diseases, and possibly an epidemic.

People from all over the world have been raising money for Nepal. My friends and I had raised over $1100 on our fundraising page, when someone reported it as fraud. Our page was shut down. After contacting GoFundMe and UNICEF, and providing full verifications about our intent and destination of funding, our page was restored. You can visit it here to contribute.

http://www.gofundme.com/swk1co

I had a final exam today that I deferred. I could not study when my brothers and sisters, people I love and know, were dying and are suffering. I still find it hard to believe that the place I lived in for 18 years of my life, the temples I visited, the roads I walked on, are all going to be just a part of my memory.

No more can I go back to Nepal and witness another flashmob in Basantapur Durbar Square, or climb the steps to the top in Dharara. But I do hope to find my country stronger, the people equally loving, spiritual and generous, and the essence of togetherness still intact, for that is what Nepal is all about.

Our temples may have broken, but our faith remains strong. God bless Nepal.