Tag: distraction

Eleven Days

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I haven’t checked in my blog in 11 days. Because since the last 11 days I’ve been on fire, and I needed some time to get used to the heat.

I started my first week trial of prescription meds (Vyvanse 20mg- now 30mg) and I am stoned.

The only thing I’d ever been high on was my ADHD- my mind was like a Ferrari (F12Berlinetta to be specific ! ) driven by wild frenzy of thoughts, the wind whipping my long hair as I rolled down the windows to look outside and tried to grab everything I saw so that I wouldn’t miss out, when all of a sudden I would realize that I was driving a Ferrari with bicycle brakes inside my brain and the only way I could stop was by crashing into the only thing in front of me – Reality.

These crashes knocked me out, left me irresolute and indecisive. I could not get the images of the things I’d seen and learnt and discovered while driving the Ferrari out of my mind, neither could I see what was in front of me clearly enough to focus and work on it. This made me anxious and stressed out, a little neurotic at times.

For the last 11 days my mind is driving on a train. Fast, and focused on my destination, I know when to get out on proper stops and take a look around me and get back when I have to, so that I can fulfill my appointments on time.

The high that I get from my medication is a different high. I haven’t had a single depressive thought, my dopamine levels are shot up and I feel positive and happy. I’m euphoric but calm. I can control my thoughts, put brakes on my distractions. It’s like watching and collecting your thoughts in a slow motion, only picking up the ones that are of primacy, and pushing aside the inconsequential ones.

I never knew what it was like to be level headed and relaxed. I feel like Master Shifu in Kung Fu Panda, I am finally in peace because the dragon warrior inside me has finally found its way towards becoming the chosen one.

Next post when I finish studying for my midterms. Because priorities (and medication :p )

ADHD is a neurobiological disorder caused by imbalances in neurotransmitters in the brain. ADHD behaviour is not a choice and it is best to be diagnosed by a trained health care professional to gain closure and start on treatment plans.

Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine dimesylate) is a prescription medicine for the treatment of ADHD in patients 6 years and above. It is used to control ADHD symptoms by balancing the levels of dopamine, norepinephrine and other neurotransmitters. Should be taken as prescribed only. 

Source: http://www.vyvanseadult.com/default.aspx

My mind is on a roller coaster !

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I use Facebook, retweet tweets, laugh at crazy Buzzfeed posts. I fill the void by surrounding myself with people filling their void. I have a large social media following, my poetry blog is a hit, yet I cannot talk to a person without forgetting their name.

You, my lover are the only piece of color I see in my world of infinite grey.

Is it grey or gray? I guess it doesn’t really matter because the color itself is drab and bleak; it reminds me of how I imagined the drapes of the veil that Sirius Black went through and died. It was the first time I cried over the death of a fictional character, and it wasn’t until much later I realized that I was wrapping those drapes around me and making myself grey.

I am sitting here in my lecture hall, typing this out. I’m sure my neighbour thinks I’m typing out the notes, and I smirk thinking how wrong she is of me, how wrong everyone is, until I realize that maybe she isn’t thinking of me at all, and I glance at her just to see that she is sleeping with her eyes closed. We are all so tired (sigh).

I am typing what is running through my mind with no filters, except that is a lie because I can hear my prof talking about phosphate esters and his voice rings through my head and I can hear the guy sitting three seats ahead of me munching on a granola bar and I can hear the typing on my keyboard and my own voice as I’m reading this out in my mind. The noises in my head are like hearts beating in different paces but all at once, so loud that I can feel my own beat getting smaller.

I am supposed to be listening to the prof. The worst thing in life is knowing. Knowing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, but not being able to control it. My mind is on a roller coaster and I am ranting about insignificant things in my blog early in the morning. I started to write this post yesterday, but it took me over 24 hours because Izzie Stevens has brain tumour in Grey’s Anatomy and saving her life is more important than anything else.