Tag: anxiety

How to School Someone on Depression

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Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day, a widely successful Canadian campaign to spread awareness about mental health and stigma surrounding it.

I started this blog to talk about my mental health issues, but that hasn’t really been happening (Hi, procrastination!) So I’m going to share screenshots of a conversation I recently had with a close friend, who good-naturedly thought I could get over my depression by just “relaxing”.

I used this extremely informative Ted-Ed video for help, which explains differences between “feeling depressed and sad” and “clinical depression”.

Here’s how our conversation went (some words & sentences are in Nepali) :

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Not everyone can write stories or make movies about mental health issues, but what each of us can do is talk to one other person beside us, learn information, share information, change minds, feel accepted, accept others and extend the conversation beyond #BellLetsTalk day into the rest of our lives.

 

 

 

Nepal’s Earthquake: Shaking the Lives of Millions

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Today is one of the darkest days of my life, and my anxiety levels are really high. I have my health final, but I cannot study or concentrate because a huge earthquake of 7.9 magnitude scale struck Nepal where three of my grandparents and the rest of my family live.

I woke up at 4am and the internet exploded. As did my heart of course, but lets not focus on me. So far the death tolls have crossed 800, with hundreds injured. 18 have died in the Everest avalanche that destroyed both base camps 1 and 2, and hundreds are still missing. Thousands are reported to be scattered all across the famous Annapurna trekking trails with no whereabouts.

Kathmandu’s historical Bhimsen Tower built in 1892 collapsed into a rubble trapping almost 200 and killing about 59. As did most of the major cultural and historical sites in the valley of temples.

There have been more than 24 aftershocks of high magnitudes in the last six hours, and as I’m typing this my mum is talking to my aunt on the phone in Nepal who’s describing another aftershock that’s happening right now.

My grandparents, who are in their eighties and ailing sat outside on the streets just like hundreds of others in Nepal for several hours, without food, water or their medications, too scared to go inside. My family is well and alive, and so are everyone I know. They have camped on a futsal ground in our neighbourhood and plan to spend the night there. The thought of my 83 year old grandmother camping outside on the ground, in the cold freezing rain is breaking my heart.

But it could have been worse. My family is alive. But hundreds have lost theirs. Electricity, most phones and communication are down. Locals are digging through the rubble with their bare hands. The humanitarian camp tents are soaking and blowing away because of the wind and the rain. A 48- hour high intense tremor risk alert has been issued.

There is nothing I can do from here right now. I am praying for my brothers and sisters in Nepal. I’ve experienced two minor earthquakes in Nepal myself a few years ago, and me and my sister had actually laughed at how exciting it felt to have a little adventure.

But today is not an adventure. Today is a disaster that has flattened villages and killed thousands.

My friends and I are fundraising to support the victims in the earthquake. It is not only lives to be saved, but also the lives to be rebuilt, that is going to take a long long time for a small country like Nepal.

Please donate to support Nepal in this disaster. The donations will go directly to UNICEF Nepal.

http://www.gofundme.com/swk1co

Every cent counts. A dollar is approximately NRs. 100. Two dollars might mean one less cup of coffee for you, but it will mean a night of food and water for a small family in Nepal.

For pictures and details about the earthquake: http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/25/asia/nepal-earthquake-7-5-magnitude/index.html

https://twitter.com/search?q=Nepal&src=tren

Update: More than 75 huge aftershock tremors recorded till now. The latest death toll is over 2100 and is expected to rise. May the souls rest in peace.

New Year 2072 B.S.

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Happy New Year 2072 B.S. to everyone inside and outside this world of WordPress  ! I’m excited because it is the Nepalese New Year YAYYY.
Which is a little weird because I am not really doing anything to celebrate it. It is just another weekday for people living away from home. But, the weather is gorgeous today, and I finally took out my summer clothes from the back of my closet where they were rotting away so YAYYYY

I never make resolutions on New Year, and don’t do much reflection either but since I feel pretty good today, here are some of the things I did/learnt/discovered etc etc. in the last year-

1. Gifted myself the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series on my birthday and read all five books over the summer. Also binge watched all Game of Thrones episodes. I cannot explain how much I LOVED those books and the series and Tyrion Lannister. There are a very few things that have truly impressed me, and GOT (ASOIAF) turned me into this obsessed person who reads all fan theories and keeps tabs on everything related to Game of Thrones. If Game of Thrones was a person, I would probably be in prison for being a stalker.

2. Joined the Public Issues Advisory Committee at the Canadian Cancer Society. I’ve been a public issues youth advocate for nearly two years now, and am the youngest member advisor at the committee. I got cool opportunities to meet some MPPs, and am looking forward to all future events !

3.  Volunteered at Holland Bloorview Kids Rehab Hospital for nearly a year (I’m on break now, because exams !). I love everything about that hospital. It taught me to be patient and kind and attentive to kids with disabilities.

I learnt unique ways of communicating with the non-verbal clients, became the air-hockey champion of the basement, watched Frozen a million times, sang Let It Go two million times, went Trick or Treating on Halloween, dressed up as Santa’s elf on Christmas, baked and danced and painted and read and made bracelets and pictures and tons of goody crafts for the kids.

Sometimes I feel like I go there every week, looking forward just to play board games and puzzles since I have NO TIME for them at home/school. It is extremely relaxing and therapeutic for me, until I’m outsmarted by a 5-year old in a wheelchair and then I think, Losing monopoly never felt so good.

4. After struggling for years, I finally got diagnosed with ADHD- combined type, major depressive disorder and anxiety. I immersed myself in research about my disorder and mental health issues, and it has been the most liberating thing in my life. I now understand why I behave the way I do. I love that I’m one of the 15 million with this cognitive disorder and I am so thankful that I moved to a country with resources and am finally getting the right support and help.

5.  I discovered that I love communicating, expressing, public speaking, advocacy and community service more than anything else in this world. My creativity and strengths lie in these areas and I’ve finally stopped being ashamed that I can never understand math or physics or chemistry like some kids I grew up with. I learnt that I’d been wasting my time studying and focusing on things I do not love or comprehend to the least, because culturally I felt they were “the smart choices”.

After I was diagnosed with ADHD, my psychiatrist told me that I should be utilizing my strengths and not beating myself up about things I can’t excel in.

I started reflecting on moments – when my philosophy teacher told me that my paper on suicide was phenomenal and I had a brilliant knack for words and persuasion, when my professional communications prof said that I would make an excellent business leader & she would buy any product I sold because my presentation ideas and public speaking approaches were excellent, when my global health instructor said that my scholarly paper on mental health policy was worth being published, when customers at work told me that my smiling face made their days better, when kids at the hospital hugged me and told me they would miss me when they get discharged, when readers said that they appreciated me writing this blog; all of these made me realize that I should focus on the things I am good at and make a career out of it.

I do not make any resolutions, but I do plan to eat well, spend time outside in the nature, blog, go to my meditation sessions and therapy, focus on the things I am passionate about without overloading myself, be an advocate and a mental health wellness educator and most importantly, remain proud of all the hard work I’ve done and the people I’ve touched.

I hope you all have a beautiful and a healthy year 🙂

The Confused State of an Anxious Mind

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I don’t know where to begin.

Maybe this is not even a poem.

But I want to tell you how anxiety feels.

My heart races at the speed of light.

And my brain slams the break pedal.

Can you feel what happens then?

The laws of physics, inertia, motion, Newton.

All come flashing back in my head.

I never liked physics anyway.

But I cant help it.

My thoughts are racing backwards.

I need to get out of here.

I think I’m gonna die.
I think I’m gonna fail.
I think he’s going to forget me.
I think my mother just had an accident.
She hasn’t called me in an hour.

I ask my brain to stop.

Or maybe it is my brain asking itself to stop.

I don’t know. Im confused.

But my heart.

Oh my heart loves to run.

140 beats per minute.

Running towards the finish line.
Running to save my life.
Running to study for that test.
Running to beg him to stay.
Running towards my mother.

What do you do when two parts of your body move in different directions?

I cannot breathe.

Sometimes I think it is all in my imagination.

At least that is what someone told me.

“Relax, nothing’s happening. Why are you so anxious?”

If everything’s my imagination,

Then why can’t I draw pictures of it?

Why can’t I write a book about it?

Why does my body respond to something that I’m creating?

I take deep breaths.

Sometimes into a brown paper bag.

Sometimes I have panic attacks.

Once in the movies with my friends.

The muscles in my chest tighten and I cannot breathe.

It is embarrassing.

This is why I’ve become a recluse.

I don’t know when anxiety is going to hit me.

I need to be alone.

I don’t know why anxiety hits me.

I just wish it didn’t feel like home.

Band Aids and Bullet Holes

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I think this is going to end up becoming a depressive rant and that scares me because I haven’t felt an inch of sadness since I started my meds. But there are some kinds of pain that even medication can’t control. You try to cover the hurts with a band-aid hoping for them to heal, but what good are band aids when the hole in your heart is from a bullet.

I’ve been shot. I can’t explain how or why here, for the fear of being speculated and probed and incised by untrained surgical hands of my dear friends. I fear that I will bleed out.

I will nurse my bullet wounds, cover them up with band aids, and try to walk like no one notices the flinch on my face every time I draw a breath.

Social anxiety, my psychiatrist labeled my feelings.

Caution, I say. After all look where it got me when I opened up.