Tag: ADHD

How to School Someone on Depression

Leave a comment

Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day, a widely successful Canadian campaign to spread awareness about mental health and stigma surrounding it.

I started this blog to talk about my mental health issues, but that hasn’t really been happening (Hi, procrastination!) So I’m going to share screenshots of a conversation I recently had with a close friend, who good-naturedly thought I could get over my depression by just “relaxing”.

I used this extremely informative Ted-Ed video for help, which explains differences between “feeling depressed and sad” and “clinical depression”.

Here’s how our conversation went (some words & sentences are in Nepali) :

1

 

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

 

Not everyone can write stories or make movies about mental health issues, but what each of us can do is talk to one other person beside us, learn information, share information, change minds, feel accepted, accept others and extend the conversation beyond #BellLetsTalk day into the rest of our lives.

 

 

 

New Year 2072 B.S.

Leave a comment

Happy New Year 2072 B.S. to everyone inside and outside this world of WordPress  ! I’m excited because it is the Nepalese New Year YAYYY.
Which is a little weird because I am not really doing anything to celebrate it. It is just another weekday for people living away from home. But, the weather is gorgeous today, and I finally took out my summer clothes from the back of my closet where they were rotting away so YAYYYY

I never make resolutions on New Year, and don’t do much reflection either but since I feel pretty good today, here are some of the things I did/learnt/discovered etc etc. in the last year-

1. Gifted myself the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series on my birthday and read all five books over the summer. Also binge watched all Game of Thrones episodes. I cannot explain how much I LOVED those books and the series and Tyrion Lannister. There are a very few things that have truly impressed me, and GOT (ASOIAF) turned me into this obsessed person who reads all fan theories and keeps tabs on everything related to Game of Thrones. If Game of Thrones was a person, I would probably be in prison for being a stalker.

2. Joined the Public Issues Advisory Committee at the Canadian Cancer Society. I’ve been a public issues youth advocate for nearly two years now, and am the youngest member advisor at the committee. I got cool opportunities to meet some MPPs, and am looking forward to all future events !

3.  Volunteered at Holland Bloorview Kids Rehab Hospital for nearly a year (I’m on break now, because exams !). I love everything about that hospital. It taught me to be patient and kind and attentive to kids with disabilities.

I learnt unique ways of communicating with the non-verbal clients, became the air-hockey champion of the basement, watched Frozen a million times, sang Let It Go two million times, went Trick or Treating on Halloween, dressed up as Santa’s elf on Christmas, baked and danced and painted and read and made bracelets and pictures and tons of goody crafts for the kids.

Sometimes I feel like I go there every week, looking forward just to play board games and puzzles since I have NO TIME for them at home/school. It is extremely relaxing and therapeutic for me, until I’m outsmarted by a 5-year old in a wheelchair and then I think, Losing monopoly never felt so good.

4. After struggling for years, I finally got diagnosed with ADHD- combined type, major depressive disorder and anxiety. I immersed myself in research about my disorder and mental health issues, and it has been the most liberating thing in my life. I now understand why I behave the way I do. I love that I’m one of the 15 million with this cognitive disorder and I am so thankful that I moved to a country with resources and am finally getting the right support and help.

5.  I discovered that I love communicating, expressing, public speaking, advocacy and community service more than anything else in this world. My creativity and strengths lie in these areas and I’ve finally stopped being ashamed that I can never understand math or physics or chemistry like some kids I grew up with. I learnt that I’d been wasting my time studying and focusing on things I do not love or comprehend to the least, because culturally I felt they were “the smart choices”.

After I was diagnosed with ADHD, my psychiatrist told me that I should be utilizing my strengths and not beating myself up about things I can’t excel in.

I started reflecting on moments – when my philosophy teacher told me that my paper on suicide was phenomenal and I had a brilliant knack for words and persuasion, when my professional communications prof said that I would make an excellent business leader & she would buy any product I sold because my presentation ideas and public speaking approaches were excellent, when my global health instructor said that my scholarly paper on mental health policy was worth being published, when customers at work told me that my smiling face made their days better, when kids at the hospital hugged me and told me they would miss me when they get discharged, when readers said that they appreciated me writing this blog; all of these made me realize that I should focus on the things I am good at and make a career out of it.

I do not make any resolutions, but I do plan to eat well, spend time outside in the nature, blog, go to my meditation sessions and therapy, focus on the things I am passionate about without overloading myself, be an advocate and a mental health wellness educator and most importantly, remain proud of all the hard work I’ve done and the people I’ve touched.

I hope you all have a beautiful and a healthy year 🙂

Ways My ADHD Brain Functions (or stops functioning !)

Leave a comment

I was with a group of friends earlier this week and one asked me how I was doing with my meds. This led to a conversation about ADHD, and another friend rolled her eyes and said – “I don’t even think ADHD is a real thing. I procrastinate as well, but doesn’t mean I need to go to a doctor and start popping pills.”

Her statements made me realize why I started this blog in the first place. Aside from sharing my depressed feelings in metaphors, I wanted to use this blog to start a platform where I could tell people that ADHD is more than just “procrastinating”.

It is procrastinating severely. Ha ha.

Jokes aside, I am going to try my best to explain some of the things I go through-

Things people (mostly me !) with ADHD go through-

  1. We cannot concentrate. Most people mistake it as not being able to concentrate ONLY on school work. Any one can do that. But it takes special ability to lose focus while talking to people, listening, doing basic chores like cleaning or laundry, working in customer service (where you have a memory span of a goldfish and forget what your client just asked of you), missing appointments every single goddamn time, forgetting to go to work, classes, or other commitments. My house caught on fire a few years ago because I forgot to turn the electric heater off (True story !). You get the point.
  2. We fidget. A LOT. My lack of ability to sit still or fall asleep if I sit still too much has caused me a lot of trouble. I’ve been called impolite and uncourteous, customers at work always ask me if I’m cold or if my hands are dirty because I keep on rubbing them together like a mad scientist plotting my next evil invention.
  3. Our minds work at the speed of light. Between writing point number 1 and this sentence, I chatted with two of my friends, played a level of Frozen Free Fall (don’t judge !), talked to my sister, checked in with my dad about dinner, googled life goals and wasted about 45 minutes of my time. Just magnify this scenario by several hours and you will watch your entire life pass by.
  4. We are very impulsive. Impulsivity comes in different forms. For me, it is excessive talking, interrupting people ALL the time, answering questions not directed to me, hyper social behaviour (jumping up and down like I won a medal when I beat my 5 year old cousin’s score in Candy Crush), embarrassing parents by blurting out family secrets at dinner parties, LOL.
  5. People with ADHD usually have accompanying depression, anxiety or other disorders that affect every single aspect of their lives including friendships and relationships. I will not go into much detail about that here, my entire blog is the proof how sad I am.
  6. One question I’ve received from quite some people is – “But how do you have a disorder when you are so smart and confident ?” It saddens me that people are very quick to assume anyone with a mental illness or disorder is embedded with stupidity, clumsiness, shyness, ineptness  in their genes. This stereotyping is the reason why I feel it is important to talk about mental health and educate people that any person is susceptible to problems at any point of their lives. Having ADHD is not being stupid or failing school all the time. On the contrary, people with ADHD are quite smart and creative, and there are some bloggers I follow who prove that. It is our cognitive difference (caused by pure chemistry in our brain tissue and not the lack of will/determination to do something) that makes our learning and behavioural abilities different from the ones structured by the society. This results in most people with ADHD struggling in various aspects of life, leaving them feeling different, frustrated and anxious.

But guess what ? Different is good. Though I’m struggling with lots of things because of my ADHD, anxiety and depression, I am also happy that I am creative, confident, have my unique strengths and talents that make me who I am. Taking medication has helped me immensely in all aspects of my life. I have become a (bit) more organized, can sit in a place for hours without fidgeting, can listen to people without interrupting, prioritize my to-do-list and actually do chores at home! But I’ve also realized that medications don’t solve everything. I am equally or less lazy and still procrastinate for hours if I don’t set my mind on something. Nonetheless, life is getting better, and I better stop writing now because I need to go thank the people in my life personally, and not through this blog, for always  being there.

Adult ADHD is a neurobiological disorder that can also be categorized as a mental health condition. Symptoms include difficulty with regulating attention (being unable to focus for any length of time, hyper-focusing with the inability to break focus, and difficulty with prioritizing focus) to a level of impairment and possibly, but not necessarily, hyperactivity and impulsivity. ADHD Researchers have studied impairments in the brain chemical neurotransmitters, dopamine, norepinephrine and epinephrine, as being a contributing cause of the disorder.

(For more information on ADHD: http://caddac.ca/cms/page.php?2 )

I’ve Been Thinking

Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking. My school is on strike since yesterday, and I have nothing to do. So I’ve been thinking.

I finished reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath yesterday, and I couldn’t help but resonate myself to the character Esther who is depressed and cannot write. I am depressed, but I can write. The only time I cannot write is when I am not depressed, and that makes me question my own creativity.

I would like to think that my ADHD medication is not putting a stop to my creativity. I feel good. I feel organized. My thoughts are still a chaos, but I find myself deflecting them often. I do not have the time to be sad and I do not have time to write.

I like the way that I can collect myself, rationalize my priorities, even make my bed every morning (which I never did before !), but I feel like I’m fighting to write, fighting to let my words flow freely, fighting to compose poetry, fighting to retain the things about me I love the most.

I started to type this up an hour ago, and I’ve barely written 200 words. Two hundred words feel like an infinite stretch to my infinite feelings. I squeeze my thoughts in, between each space of every word I write, but they are just tiny scrawls in invisible ink.

I have so much to say, countless things to express and so many questions. I am watching the light snow fall outside. I can see every single snow flake that melts as soon as it touches the ground because the sun is shining. My thoughts are no different. They are beautiful and sad and cold and blue, and slowly fading away.

For the first time, the sun is shining in my life and I am not sure I like the warmth.

Eleven Days

Leave a comment

I haven’t checked in my blog in 11 days. Because since the last 11 days I’ve been on fire, and I needed some time to get used to the heat.

I started my first week trial of prescription meds (Vyvanse 20mg- now 30mg) and I am stoned.

The only thing I’d ever been high on was my ADHD- my mind was like a Ferrari (F12Berlinetta to be specific ! ) driven by wild frenzy of thoughts, the wind whipping my long hair as I rolled down the windows to look outside and tried to grab everything I saw so that I wouldn’t miss out, when all of a sudden I would realize that I was driving a Ferrari with bicycle brakes inside my brain and the only way I could stop was by crashing into the only thing in front of me – Reality.

These crashes knocked me out, left me irresolute and indecisive. I could not get the images of the things I’d seen and learnt and discovered while driving the Ferrari out of my mind, neither could I see what was in front of me clearly enough to focus and work on it. This made me anxious and stressed out, a little neurotic at times.

For the last 11 days my mind is driving on a train. Fast, and focused on my destination, I know when to get out on proper stops and take a look around me and get back when I have to, so that I can fulfill my appointments on time.

The high that I get from my medication is a different high. I haven’t had a single depressive thought, my dopamine levels are shot up and I feel positive and happy. I’m euphoric but calm. I can control my thoughts, put brakes on my distractions. It’s like watching and collecting your thoughts in a slow motion, only picking up the ones that are of primacy, and pushing aside the inconsequential ones.

I never knew what it was like to be level headed and relaxed. I feel like Master Shifu in Kung Fu Panda, I am finally in peace because the dragon warrior inside me has finally found its way towards becoming the chosen one.

Next post when I finish studying for my midterms. Because priorities (and medication :p )

ADHD is a neurobiological disorder caused by imbalances in neurotransmitters in the brain. ADHD behaviour is not a choice and it is best to be diagnosed by a trained health care professional to gain closure and start on treatment plans.

Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine dimesylate) is a prescription medicine for the treatment of ADHD in patients 6 years and above. It is used to control ADHD symptoms by balancing the levels of dopamine, norepinephrine and other neurotransmitters. Should be taken as prescribed only. 

Source: http://www.vyvanseadult.com/default.aspx

My mind is on a roller coaster !

2 Comments

I use Facebook, retweet tweets, laugh at crazy Buzzfeed posts. I fill the void by surrounding myself with people filling their void. I have a large social media following, my poetry blog is a hit, yet I cannot talk to a person without forgetting their name.

You, my lover are the only piece of color I see in my world of infinite grey.

Is it grey or gray? I guess it doesn’t really matter because the color itself is drab and bleak; it reminds me of how I imagined the drapes of the veil that Sirius Black went through and died. It was the first time I cried over the death of a fictional character, and it wasn’t until much later I realized that I was wrapping those drapes around me and making myself grey.

I am sitting here in my lecture hall, typing this out. I’m sure my neighbour thinks I’m typing out the notes, and I smirk thinking how wrong she is of me, how wrong everyone is, until I realize that maybe she isn’t thinking of me at all, and I glance at her just to see that she is sleeping with her eyes closed. We are all so tired (sigh).

I am typing what is running through my mind with no filters, except that is a lie because I can hear my prof talking about phosphate esters and his voice rings through my head and I can hear the guy sitting three seats ahead of me munching on a granola bar and I can hear the typing on my keyboard and my own voice as I’m reading this out in my mind. The noises in my head are like hearts beating in different paces but all at once, so loud that I can feel my own beat getting smaller.

I am supposed to be listening to the prof. The worst thing in life is knowing. Knowing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, but not being able to control it. My mind is on a roller coaster and I am ranting about insignificant things in my blog early in the morning. I started to write this post yesterday, but it took me over 24 hours because Izzie Stevens has brain tumour in Grey’s Anatomy and saving her life is more important than anything else.