Category: Poetry

Covers

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Have you ever cried so hard underneath your covers at night after you’ve made love to your lover and he sleeps soundly besides you, 
his hand across your chest, trying to hold you in but slowly slipping away.


You hold your breath in, 
try to choke up the tears. Your face 
is covered 
because you are afraid that he might see you weeping and startle himself in his half asleep state. 

It’s hot. It is so
hot under the oven of blankets. It is suffocating
you, your tears wetting your face like butter over flour, sticky, so sticky. 
It is as if you are glued for life. 

Yet you try to stifle that sniffle, whimpering, whispering, wondering, wailing your soul out, bawling your eyes out. 

Why. Why, you ask. 
You ask yourself instead of the man next to you. 
He flays his arms with you one fine evening, dines his desires with another, the next evening. 
Stop !
Do not explain more. You shall burn yourself underneath the covers, bite your hands from crying out, swallow that lump in your throat, that pain in your chest, that hurt in your heart. Feel guilty, feel lacking, feel insecure. 

Only because you think of him first, and he thinks of none. 

Iron Threads

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She told me
You are beautiful, don’t forget to smile.
But how can you stretch your lips wide
And crinkle your eyes
When there is a hand sewing
Iron threads onto your lips.

I need some water,
I begged.
I was trying to rust those lines
Blowing some air
Trying to wet my lips
But all I could feel was
The taste of my own blood.
I think its ironic
How the color of rust
And the color of blood
Blend into each other.
I can see the thread melting into me.

Co-incidence?

I think not.
I smile.

Sadness

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Her heart bleeds at the possibilities
Of it being squeezed to death
For she opens it to people
Whom she is not supposed to
care about.

It bleeds stars and star dust, moons and moonstones
Of hope and relief and happiness
Of being stroked and, caressed and, loved.
But she knows that
bright things attract the serpent
Just like it did in the garden of Eden
Lure of the lust and lust of the love
False love, but still love
The heart cannot resist.
So she makes her heart dark.
Her thoughts dark.
She lies in darkness.
She lives in darkness.
She weeps in darkness.
For nothing can heal her heart
And nothing can break it more
Than her own sadness.

Fear

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My biggest fear in life
is the fear of failure
The fear when your dad
looks into your face,
and all you see is disappointment
for not getting a 4.0
for laughing too much
for dreaming during the day
for being sick
of never being acknowledged.

The only day I shall be cured
is when I am not afraid anymore
The day when I shall be free,
not from expectations
but from hand-me-down compromises
of the life that I still have not lived.
I wait for that day.
I fight for that day.

Clinomania

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My excessive desire to stay in bed
Was mirrored by the choice of your
cologne
that you sprayed on your chest.
Drops of water falling on it
from your wet hair  
made me 
Think
of all the wetness
Glistening between my thighs.
Your baring smile 
Reminded me of the scrape on my neck.

I touch the long bitten spot

Trailing my hand 
down to my heart

I had bared my soul to you. 
Now I cannot get up from the sheets
The blankets mask my stench
My chest bleeds 
drops of water falling on it
It is raining
from my eyes.
my soul has escaped 
Rocketing outside in the speed of light
The force thrusting me back 
into my lair of pillows and feathers
You were my soul. 
I have become a clinomaniac. 

Bring The Pain

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Do you know the feeling
When you are happy
And suddenly a wave of sadness hits your soul?
Your hands feel tingly and you start having trouble breathing,
You feel it,
You see it coming
Those minute dews of no colour
Lining your irises
Your lashes blinking back
In reflex
In embarrassment
Of your weakness
But have you ever seen palm trees stopping the tide?

You swallow the lump inside your throat
But you cannot
Because it keeps coming back
Like a cancer in your body
Yes, it is a cancer
But it lives in your soul.

They are staring at you
Trying to comprehend your feelings
You try to smile but they can see your eyes
Because your sadness is like the sun
Have you ever been able to block sunlight with your thumb?

Your life is dark and twisted
They harass you, call you a snitch
But you know you are not one
Because you have so many things
Left unsaid.

But you won’t defend yourself
Because you are tired of fighting
Not with them, but with your inner self
Have you ever tried snapping a rubber band with two fingers?
I have and I know it hurts.
But I can’t stop.