I blinked back the tears that were slowly forming in my eyes and felt the empty space beside where I lay. The gray sheets were not crumpled on that side. The chilling coldness I was feeling had nothing to do with the open windows of our room, well.. Not ours anymore, preferably mine.
I slowly closed my eyes.. I was just too tired. Images floated on my mind.. The hospital, doctors… his mom sobbing, the funeral. I could hear my own piercing screams growing fainter until they became muffled sobs.
I opened my eyes. The fact that my husband was no longer with me couldn’t just resist in my mind.
“Oh honey. Why’d you leave me?. I’m so lonely.”, I whispered into the darkness….
“I’m so sorry sweetheart…. I never meant to leave you..”
I froze.
“Ray, is that you??” I whispered.. Thinking I might be half crazy or something., I sat up. Surely I couldn’t hear my dead husband talking to me ,could I?
“Of course its me darling. Who else would it be ?”…came his voice. So clear, so low.. So close by…
I was sure I was dreaming. This couldn’t be real. Ray was alive.
“I’m not alive, love. I’m just here with you.” . Every nerve on my body was on its edges.
“How…how do you know what I am thinking?”, I stammered.
“Trust me I know. You don’t have to be afraid. How have you been doing sweetheart?”, his soft voice floated through my ears.
“How have I been doing? You wanna know”, I sobbed.. “Why don’t you just read my mind, tear open my heart and see it bleeding… why’d you go??”, I broke down, shuddering involuntarily.
“I’m sorry..”, he said once more. “You’re a brave girl darling, that’s why I loved you so much. You’ll be fine.”
Anger enraged through my mind engulfing all my senses. “You’re dead and you expect me to be fine. How can you even think that I can ever be fine without you beside me? You were everything to me, everything I had ever wanted.. And..and ..all our dreams..I was supposed to have babies with you, grow old with you…”
“We were just too young then, my love..”
“Yeah.. We were just too young then.. And what have we become now, old?? I’m just 23 Ray. I need you. So much..” tears were pouring from my eyes and everything seemed blurred.
“Where are you? Why cant I see you?”, I begged. “ I wanna see you Ray.”
“I am right with you. I’ll always be with you “..
“ No you’re not with me. You promised you’d never leave me Ray….”
“ I could never have prevented what happened that day dear..try to understand….if I had changed my courses, you’d not be here..safe”
“I’d have gone with you”, I started crying.
The hit and run accident was too painful for me to remember. We had just been entering the restaurant. Ray was parking the car and I was waiting for him.. Watching him…
I’d never realized what had happened… all I could see was Ray shouting and running towards me..pulling me away… the headlights of the other car had blinded me…the screech of the tires lasted for such a long time. I don’t even know how long.. until they blended with my own screams..calling out for him..
The time after just faded away.
I had drifted away again. I opened my eyes again. “Ray..”
“Right here sweetheart”..
“Stay with me ..”, I pleaded.
“ I cant”..
“Then come back.”
“I will not come back honey…I just came to say goodbye..”
“Please Ray.. don’t leave me.”
“I’m sorry.. I have to give you something darling,..”
I waited silently for him.
And as quietly as his breath he put his lips upon mine.. “Happy birthday sweetheart… I love you..”
And he was gone.
“I love you too Ray…” I whispered ..
I turned around to the space beside on the bed…but I could feel it wasn’t empty. Ray was right there..holding me….and I felt warmth creep up my skin… and I knew he would always be here besides me..holding my hand.. Within my heart.. Forever.
TheHyperteen 